Gaddafi establishes ‘No Spin Zone’ Over Libya
TRIPOLI (The Borowitz Report) – Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi took the extraordinary step of banning all journalists from his country today, arguing, “It’s worked for Fox.”According to advisors to the Libyan dictator, Mr. Gaddafi has been studying the Fox News Channel closely in recent weeks as an example of a large enterprise that has thrived in the absence of journalism. “Colonel Gaddafi has made no secret of his admiration of Fox,” said one aide to the Libyan dictator. “He has even told his nurses to wear more makeup so they will look like the Fox anchorwomen.” Speaking over Libyan state television this morning, Mr. Gaddafi said that by expelling all journalists from Libya, he was protecting the Libyan people from “the bias and distortions of the lamestream media.” The Libyan dictator said he was establishing a “no spin zone” over the country, replacing all actual news with a series of television shows “allowing for a free exchange of opinions – all of them mine.” Mr. Gaddafi’s actions drew immediate criticism from Fox owner Rupert Murdoch: “A brutal dictator who is hostile to journalism? It definitely sounds like he is ripping me off.” At the State Department, an official spokesman offered this response to Mr. Gaddafi’s actions: “As is State Department policy, we will wait several weeks and then issue a confusing, noncommittal statement.” Meanwhile, several prominent Republicans voiced criticism of President Obama’s Libya policy, including former President George W. Bush, who urged Mr. Obama to define the mission: “That way, you can hang up a really cool banner once it’s accomplished.” Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) said that she also had serious questions for Mr. Obama about Libya: “For example, where is it?” Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox for free here. Become friends with Andy on Facebook here. The Los Angeles Times says Andy Borowitz has “one of the funniest Twitter feeds around.” Follow Andy on Twitter here.