Sedaris's real-life experiences as Macy's 'Crumpet the Elf:' A Holiday Tradition

At one low point in his working life, comedian David Sedaris got a job playing 'Crumpet the Elf' in New York's Macy's during the holidays.

His seven-minute monologue about the experience is hilarious, and has become a tradition at NPR.

Story:
http://www.npr.org/2005/12/23/5066175/sedaris-and-crumpet-the-elf-a-holiday-tradition

Pro Tip: The current version is not the 1992 original, which runs a minute longer (8 min total) and contains some darker, weirder elements. I like it better.

To hear the original,  use the second "Play" link on the NPR page: not the Morning Edition link, but the link labeled "Santaland Diaries (1992)."