collected put-downs and come-backs...

... from various sources:

Here are some, um, useful phrases to copy and paste.

• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

• No, my powers can only be used for good.

• How about never? Is never good for you?

• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

• You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

• Who me? I just wander from room to room.

• My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

• At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.